Fond Hello

Apologies for an extended absence. 

It seems my small people have been keeping me very busy as of late. We are on a continuous sickness loop with all the lovely winter bugs and nasties going around and most of my days with the kids revolves around finding something for them to do to tire them out between sleeping.

Waking from a midday nap

Mouse is getting so big and headstrong. I am so happy the boys play more together, but this has also meant they are starting to fight together too which is exhausting to break up constantly. Mouse thinks he is bigger than he is and wants to play with Mushroom.

I am torn between wanting them to play well and understanding big boy wants his space and privacy sometimes too, especially when Mouse is slightly destructive. However I Mushroom also thinks Mouse is bigger than he is and lots of accidents and tears have been of late with a bit too much rough playing. Mouse recently self inflicted a nice gash above his eyebrow by testing his running and not stopping skills into a table, he'll have a tough guy scar.

Mouse. Battle scar in 2nd frame, incy wincying in 3rd.

 My baby has started to sleep through the night, which I am very excited about.

It's been a few weeks now and I have become used to the 12 or nearly 12 hours he sleeps every night. I am a happier lady if he decides to wake up past 7am.

This means he has dropped his midnight feed and I feel we are on the way to weaning which I have mixed feelings about. I love he is still my baby and we still have that special time, even if it is only for short 'snack' feeds in the early morning and right before bed.

Hiding from the sun under Summer Beach

My big one will start Kindy next year, he will be 4 in September, he is constantly going on about his party and birthday presents already, will be a long 2 months.
I am really excited for him to go to school, will give me a little more time to myself and Mouse will be taking on his 2 days at daycare.

Mushroom

 A few things have happened over the last month. 

I turned 25, which was much of a non event but ended up being a lovely day of leisurely lunch with friends.

Spiffy

My Love

Our little town hosted the annual Gala weekend, this includes a ball and a family fun day. This mean t husband and I got to be a little bit fancy and have a night off together, the theme was Casino Royale and we had a lot of fun :)

The next day was the family fair and I enjoyed even more than the ball, was lovely to introduce my kids to things such as fairy floss and bumper car rides. Was typically heinously expensive but we had a great time having icecream for breakfast.

Fun at the fair

 Husband has left yesterday for a work course in Perth for 5 days, this had immediately meant the kids are just all kinds of awful for me today... and also waking last night. I am exhausted and can't give them away. 

Since he will go to work again for 8 days as soon as he returns I will get no break.

Daddy & Mushroom

 I am not so happy about the next coming months. 

Husband has decided to do another two Army course. That's 2x 16 days again. I am already having anxiety over it.

 It gets so lonely here on my own and knowing every night  you have to wake up again to the kids and entertain and feed them all day with no one else to talk to  and then go to bed and wake up and do it all again for 16 days. 

I just get no time to breath. I hate the Army at this point.

Either Husband will hopefully be less fanatical soon or I will have to tell him I just can't take any more and he will have to stop entirely.

 So much over it.

Flooding on the road to Karratha. First star at night on the top of a Pilbara sunset.

 I cannot believe it is only just past 10am, today is going to slowly. I did a full house clean yesterday, vacummed, mopped & scrubbed some walls. 

There are already crumbs, fruit loaf and icing smeared on every surface.

A rare quiet truce with watermelon and mouths full.

Today is one of those days I just get so mad for all the effort I put in for seemingly no reason that goes completely unnoticed and unappreciated :(
I had thought about taking the kids to the park this morning, but the amount of shouting at me the 3 year old has done and the screaming coming from his brother I just can't be bothered. Maybe in the afternoon... only 2 hours til naptime (for 1 of them at least) and counting....

Happy Days

We're Still Here...

We're still around... What have we been doing..? Lots!

Updates soon. In the meantime...

This is one cool dude :) 

One Step Forward, Two Steps Backwards

Heard from Husband yesterday, had a surprise call on the home phone. I haven't had a mobile in a week or so, it is fixed now, yay! However I realised how disgustingly reliant I am on it in my everyday life. {insert streaming shows on PC, while Facebook messaging off iPhone as too lazy to minimise screen story}

It was quite liberating to not have one, although I did miss having the opportunity to mamarazzi my kids. I do take an awful lot of photos and thank technology for the option to save so many memories. 

Like this - Our car in a turtle-neck

Anyway. With husband doing a bush trek this week has meant we haven't had any contact, usually he is able to call or text at some point.

Aside from him breezing through for work and to visit with the Army, hes been gone 5 weeks in total. He is coming home on Sunday.

I am glad we're at the end and I don't really know how I accomplished the last few weeks on my own.

I know I can manage the kids, they are fed, clothed and alive, however I don't think I have caught a break on the sickness thing, as the last week and a half we have yet again succumbed to an onslaught of germs with a wicked cold all around.

Mouse has copped the worst with a croupy cough and a double ear infection currently.

I am feeling pretty run down. 

Last week especially I had a few fragile days where I was just over it so much.

I nearly had a meltdown in a public place, which I am glad I didn't, awkward for all involved, but I did take a step back and just look after myself for a day. I think the no phone situation didn't help, I don't think I could have felt any more isolated.

I think the great, or not so great thing about children is their brutal honesty, even when it isn't directly aimed at you.

Last night I caught Mushroom playing in his room after he was supposed to be asleep, I had a bit of a listen, he was role playing with some cars. There was a Mum car, a baby brother car and a 'Me' car.

There was no Daddy car. 

The Mum car was an angry car and I realised how much Mushroom is picking up, as it was saying things that I know I say/shout and do often, especially of late.

I felt immediate guilt as my 3 year old had just laid me out in his eyes, unaware that I was listening in and it sucked.

I grew up in a family of raised voices and arguing, I loathe it, really stresses me out. I have always taken a lot of pride in that Husband and I don't argue, however it seems all the shouting is coming from me anyway.

I know my patience is awful at the moment. I just don't have any. I still think I do ok as a parent, getting through everyday on my own with the boys. It has been so stressful and lonely on my own.

I hate having been put in this position for the way its has changed who I am as a person and parent so plain for my kids to see.

I think how I see myself on the whole isn't accurate and I need to see myself through my children's eyes, even if it isn't very uplifting, in an effort to better myself and be more or the parent I envisage myself as.

I don't like that there wasn't a Dad car there either.

Of course I realise that Husband being away affects the kids, however it never dawned on me how much I have become the solitary parent.

I think it's something we need to work on.

It was all a bit depressing really.

I really want to make this something positive.

I think it is an awesome opportunity to re evaluate and grow.

I know life is just insane with small people, I know I often forget who I am and lose focus on the bigger picture. This is is pretty easy when there's sibling fighting, dropped cups of juice and toilet training going on.

I want my kids to grow up happy and well enough adjusted, with happy and well enough adjusted parents.

I realise a few bad weeks isn't going to shape them drastically and I am allowed to drop the ball (or juice) occasionally and still be a pretty super Mama but I am glad it was brought to my attention while I can nip it in the bud.

I am going to make a concious effort to check in my anger, which may be misdirected at the crappy situation, rather than have my kids see it all. I also want to let the kids feel angry about it too, maybe talk about it more with them. Rather than just feel they should accept Husband going away so much.

I get up in the morning and just think about how great it will be when they are in bed again. I know they are full on and I know I am beyond exhausted but I want to be able to enjoy them and be excited about life. I don't want to just be a good enough parent, I want to be a phenomenal person that my kids will emanate.

I wouldn't mind feeling supported by my husband a bit more, which can't happen when he isn't around.

I know I am only human and will never be a perfect parent, as I really don't think that they exist, you're going to screw up in one way or another, even if that way is being too perfect.

I am also quite candid about my shortfalls as a person and as a parent, when I know I am have them, I really appreciate the wake up call every once in a while.

I enjoy the process of reflecting on myself, even if not all entirely pleasant.

It leads towards something positive.

You have to tear down to rebuild.

It is just crazy how much a little over a month can take out of you.

I am really looking forward to some R&R.

We are nearly at the end :)

Looking forward to some of this myself...

When Life Gets in the Way

Updates have been far and few at the moment.

I think I can say without doubt that I am shattered.

I also don't think we have done too much worth posting about.

Pilbara sunset from my back door

 This is husbands fourth week away from us. Okay. To be fair, he did come home for 4 days, of which he worked, so it really didn't feel like we saw him at all.

He's now gone off again playing Army in the bush for another week and a bit. 

This is sucking more this time as previously he had been able to call us and stay in contact. This time they are bush trekking and we haven't heard from him much.

I am just exhausted as I would love a break to just do something for me without the small people, even just wee on my own.

Glad at least someone is able to get some sleep

Today the Army did have a stop in our little town to engage in the community and mingle with the civilians. They did activities with the kids at the school.

Husband wanted to see me, so asked to shower at home. They told him he had to take his patrol with him.

6 men showered in our house this morning. Utter chaos and flurry of towels and shaving equipment over 45 minutes.

I then was tasked with getting the contraband items. Cigarettes, hot chips, iced coffees etc.

Army wife.

Army vehicle excitement

I have been otherwise busy with the boys just doing the everyday things.

I have been trying to do more interesting bits and pieces with them, we have been going to the park and having playdates a lot more than usual when we haven't been unwell.

We have all been sick for the better part of the month, one thing after another.

Rainbow cakes

 

Mouse has been getting more and more challenging since he is walking full time.

He seems to be a lot more 'into stuff' than Mushroom ever was. 

If I don't close it, if I don't want him in there, he'll be doing something he is not supposed to do.

It is wiping me out as he gets so angry at me and he also wants to be near me so much, I try and wear him as much as I can. I think he is still working out his independence and how much he needs me at the moment.

I think he is a very wise old soul.

This month also marked the 2nd year since our miscarriage.

I go through periods where I am ok about it. 

Then other times I over think it and I get sad again. 

Some days I still cry.

I think the biggest impact losing a baby had on me was losing hopes and dreams for someone we hadn't yet met but loved dearly. 

I have also been able to talk to others who have had a loss and it seems to bring some kind of healing, talking to someone who can understand what it is to lose something so precious.

I am quite open about our miscarriage, I have found this has meant many more women have talked to me about their losses, people who hadn't talked about it before.

I am sad how many there have been that have opened up. 

I am sad that it's not something women feel they can talk about.

Not much was known about why we lost our much wanted child. Recently more information has been brought to light based on my health. I have Hashimotos disease, which is an autoimmune condition involving my thyroid. It's not a great mix for pregnancy.

I would like to have another baby and I hate that the miscarriage has taken away that innocence from pregnancy.

I don't think I have been more terrified of anything.

The end result is more than worth taking the risk, however I know my risks are higher and I don't want to lose another little piece of my heart.

I often wonder what our extra tiny person would have been like.

I hate that I don't know their gender.

I hate that I don't have any ultrasound photos.

I am glad that this month is over and tomorrow is June.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
  I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
  I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

  I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) 

~E.E Cummings~

Written on Christian's beach for our tiny tiny person

Featured on Offbeat Families :)

Excitement!

Mouse's birthday party has been featured on my favourite blog, Offbeat Families.

Check it out here!

Just Sayin' We're Sick...

We've been a bit quiet as for the last week and a half, we have been in a quarantine zone.

I'll spare you the details but both boys and I, and now husband who returned from playing Army - Welcome!- have been rather unwell. 

I thought 5 was enough moozli blankets for Mouse. I cannot wash them fast enough, I admit defeat.

I hope we will be on our feet again soon. Tonight, or mostly likely tomorrow have some exciting news coming up and will post about it :)

Send us get better vibes.

Happy Mummies Day!

Firstly, Happy Mother's Day!

This goes out to all the seasoned Mamas

New Mamas or Mamas to be

The Daddies who are Mamas

Those Mamas who carry a child in their heart

Those who wish they were Mamas

Those who are yet to become Mamas

Those whose Mamas aren't here to be loved on this year

Hope you had a day well spent however made your heart happy.

A little bit on that in a minute.

~~~~~~

As I mentioned last post, something I have been waiting for, for a very long time, 9 months to be exact, landed in my mailbox this week.

Excitement!

Introducing the beautiful Girasol Summer Beach in the fuschia weft.

I also thought I would give fringe a go.

I LOVE FRINGE.

Shown here carrying Mouse in a kangaroo carry, top right and a front wrap cross carry bottom left

Such a beautiful wrap. My favourite colours are blue and yellow, so this was a must have for me. It has reaffirmed my love for the wrap as a baby carrier and I am enjoying very much. 

I have spied another wrap which I missed a pre order on called Meeru and I am hoping to secure one of those for my stash one day, running much along the same colour combination.

I didn't initially order Summer Beach as a pre order and I am glad I didn't, I found out a term called weft regret and I almost had it. Summer Beach comes in four wefts, fuchsia, yellow, purple and black. I have never much been into the dark wefts but loved the idea of a bright yellow. When I saw the action shots I much preferred the sneaky pink of the fuchsia. I am a happy lady :)

 

Our day of wrap arrival was a bit exciting. Here it is in picture frames. 

We painted our nails, emo kid chose black, little punk rocker than he is. 

He also chose his clothes and dressed himself entirely (down to the shoes!) for the very first time! 

I was super proud, he was super proud. Great moment.

He also zoomed off to get my parcel and then proceeded to try open everyone's PO boxes.

 

We had a busy day the following day attending the markets which are held here.

 It is sometimes something I avoid as big boy is often overwhelmed but we had a pleasant time.

That is where I picked up this.

Isn't it simply darling?

A talented friend creates these mason jar terrariums.

Pure coincidence I stumbled upon it.

Mouse, mushroom, buntings.. It is like me in a bottle.

Makes me ultimate happy!

With Husband being gone I am trying to keep us busy.

I even managed to do my hair, small miracles and here it is in all its pre straightened glory.

I forgot how nice it is to just do something for myself, reminder to do more things like that, it definitely put me in a feel good place.

 

Following the markets boys had a nap and we had a 4th birthday party to attend in the afternoon. It was a great time, the weather is beginning to be just delightful. 

It is still warm enough for boys kids to have some water fun without freezing. Even if Mouse indulged in his jeans. 

I have been beyond impressed with Mushroom and his behaviour and manners of late. 

He tends to pick up a lot around him, as most 3 year olds do, bad habits are hard to break.

He is just such a beautiful boy and despite the odd bit of sibling rivalry with his brother he's been speaking up a lot more when running in with others and I am really happy.

 The party was a great success and he played so well.

Little nutbag

Chasing rainbows

 The kids decided to utilise all the space of Mother's Day they could manage by waking up a little past midnight. I think the last couple days of full on have been a bit too much. 

I was fairly zombie this morning, we headed down to the community centre again for Kindergym Mother's Day little fair. 

One amazing coffee and apple slice later and I was feeling human. 

Kids had a ball.

Bouncy castles, chaos and facepainting. 

My boy cracks me up, he is scared to death of Spiderman but insisted this is what he must have, he sat still for the duration, I was surprised and pleased.

I won the raffle, which was a huge hamper of chocolate - yummy. Mushroom could not believe that this was coming home with us.

I was presented with my card big boy created at day care and the 2 posters the boys made at playgroup the following week.

I think I mentioned I love tiny hand art? :)

We ended our day with a BBQ with friends at the park.

I am hoping this is enough to exhaust my two and they sleep through the night?

I feel like the goal I set for myself in my past post was smashed.

I had the best day with my kids I really just enjoyed them.

My biggest happiness is to see delight on their small faces.

Even though it is my 2nd as a Mama to my two boys, it was the 1st I really appreciated this fact, watching them play together.

Best Mother's Day present ever!

Fragments of our day

 I was having a few sad thoughts as this month marks the 2nd year since we lost a baby.

I feel I am a Mama to 3 little people, I don't think a day goes by I don't wonder about what kind of person they would have been but it sure does make me appreciate my babies Earthside all the more.

I don't really think losing a baby ever gets any easier, I definitely don't think having Mouse has filled the void as I hoped it would to some extent, it just opened another little bank of love to deposit into and to surround with hopes and dreams for him which I am glad for. 

Now, I think our very very small person should be remembered for their own being, as much as it brings sadness, they brought a lot of joy for a short period of time.

Mouse

 Overall, today has been a wonderful day.

I am glad Husband wasn't here a little as I loved the alone time with my kids being motherly.

I have been loving it all week.

I do miss him though.

Would have been nice to have a spare set of hands last night.

I am tired but very content.

I feel like a fat broody hen on her clutch of eggs.

Very proud of what good, kind people I have created, despite making me what to pull my hair out most days.

I don't think I could do boring anymore.

Happy Mother's Day<3

One proud Mama.