Wednesday 19 March 2014

A Birth Story - Baby #3

I always knew my pregnancy wasn't going to go to full term since Milo had been induced at 38 weeks due to hydronephrosis of my right kidney. When the similar pain occurred at 20 weeks with girly one I knew she was sitting on something she shouldn't be.
My obstetrician was lovely and agreed that at around 38 weeks, we'd do an induction. I was happy with this and had been counting down accordingly.
I was admitted to hospital at 35+5 after some bleeding and contractions that were painful and regular, when I arrived was confirmed that yes, definite contractions every 3-4 minutes. However baby floating high and a VE was about 1-2cm and not effaced, which is not unusual for a multiple timer. I was given nefedipine and morphine which eased the contractions. I was warned the hospital wasn't equipped to have an under 36 weeker and baby would still potentially be sent to Perth under 37 weeks.

I was in hospital for a couple days and was eagerly awaiting discharge, I missed my husband and my boys. However I was still having contractions that amped up around the time for my medication, my OB told me at this point I would be staying for the duration. I was ok to get this baby out now! I was exhausted from a crappy bed and had cabin fever, the thought of another 2 weeks was just awful. 

Days went by, the medication made me dizzy, it is used to relieve blood pressure, but works for uterine contractions, as my BP was initially perfect, it was now super low. The boys and husband visited every day but their short stays and a walk to the cafe would wear me out and make me feel faint.

Towards the end of the 36th week, there was talk of a 37 week induction as something clearly going on as contractions weren't easing, I was also massive. The baby was still high and free floating, I had some huge fluid issues and had polyhydramnios, 3L of fluid instead of the usual 1Lish. They couldn't find a cause, however there was the concern that if my waters were to break the cord would prolapse, requiring an immediate emergency caesarean. The thought of a caesarean was awful and the worst delivery outcome I could imagine. The induction date was locked in 11th February!

 The day of the induction arrived, surprisingly I did get sleep, not particularly comfortable but sleep. It still didn't quite feel like today was the day we meet our daughter, everything was still very surreal. My induction was due to start at 1pm and the plan was to take me to theatre and to prep for a c-section, the OB would attempt an assisted ARM to assure the head dropped into place, however the chance of prolapse was still there.

Husband arrived at midday and we were excited, baby day! I had high hopes everything would go to plan and after a very short 1-2 hour labour with Milo, everyone was anticipating a quick arrival this time also. I was gowned up and husband was given scrubs and I was wheeled off to theatre. The anaesthetist placed the spinal and epidural and I was numbed to my neck, I wasn't happy! However the ARM went off without a hitch and I was shortly wheeled off to 'recovery'. They waited for the spinal to drop slightly and the CTG showed regular and frequent contractions. Hooray, labour! I was wheeled off into the delivery suite to wait it out for baby.

While in there I was propped and moved about a bit to get into better positions for baby happiness as she wasn't always happy with contractions. The spinal was dropping and I was beginning to feel my feet again. After a few hours the OB came in and did a VE, we were all expecting amazing things however the examination was unchanged from 1-2cm, possibly more effaced. I was so disheartened. Never the less we powered on.
The contractions had begun to die off a bit and the baby's heart rate had begun dipping more often with the contractions, I could tell the midwife was starting to get nervous about it. At about 6pm my mum and sister visited and I had started throwing up randomly, which wasn't fun, the heartbeat kept dropping still and everyone started getting anxious.
I was exhausted but they had me propped upright so I couldn't really sleep. The OB came in again and reviewed and said he was happy enough so far and maybe we could try syntocin to try bump up contractions. He performed another VE and I was about 6cm, which was getting there but I think everyone was hoping it was more as it was becoming more evident that baby needed out sooner rather than later. Syntocin was started and the contractions were coming on fast, the elderly midwife who had been taking care of me wasn't happy about using it because sure enough the baby just wasn't coping. Every contraction her heart rate would slow right down from 150bpm to 80, then 40 then sometimes disappear and we were just waiting for it to come back after every contraction. The next couple hours were a bit of a blur, I was exhausted, there was a midwife changeover and the syntocin was stopped, I hadnt progressed further and the baby was getting more and more distressed. At around 11pm my OB came in and said we had to do a C-sec as he just wasnt happy to leave it longer. I was so exhausted and scared for my baby that I just wanted her here. I remember him ringing up and organising a theatre and a paediatrician, then the midwives organised baby things, swaddles, clothes and charts and I was wheeled off to theatre for the second time that day.

The theatre was just as cold as it had been before. I was placed on the table and the epidural was topped up. Everyone was pretty calm and happy, the baby wasnt happy but it wasn't an emergency as of yet as she was still recovering after the heartbeat drops. They placed the screen up and I remember thinking I was sad it wasn't going to plan, I know I was numb from the epi but I was kind of numb in general. Everyone was lovely and chatted to us about what was going on and that the screen would be lowered and we'd see baby being born. They began the operation and the OB talked us through what he was doing, all was well but then when it came to taking her out there was difficulty, she was stuck really low. It felt like forever until they took her out, it was taking longer than all those c-sections on One Born Every Minute, we knew something was wrong as they were in the process of lowering the screen for us to see but it was ripped back up and the atmosphere changed. The quickly showed us our baby and took her over to be checked out and suctioned I remember waiting for her to cry and she did and it was beautiful. I was so emotional about it all. 
At that point everything started to spin and I felt really sick, throwing up on your back not fun. My blood pressure was bottoming out, the anaesthetist tried to compensate with medication and we could hear the OB talking about haemorrhaging and someone began counting the litres of blood I was losing. They brought the baby over at this time and she was so grumpy and wrapped up in a little parcel, she was warm and gorgeous but I was too sick to hold her much and was worried I would drop her if I passed out. I remember asking over and over again if she really was a girl, she was!
Husband took her from me, and everything had begun to calm down. I dont remember much from then on in, I had to check with husband for details but I apparently was wheeled into recovery again with the baby. I don't know how long for until I was wheeled to my room, when I was back there, they gave me baby to do skin to skin and I put her straight on the breast. They brought some sandwiches and juice as I hadn't eaten since 7am that morning. I took some photos and they said they would take her to the nursery as she was still too cold and I could rest. I just had no energy and I was in the worst pain I had ever been in, they ended up giving me a self administered pain relief drip because I was screaming.

At about 6am I woke up from restless sleep and asked for my baby back. I was very teary and emotional and the OB had come in and told us that the baby had the cord wrapped over her shoulder holding her there, she wasnt able to drop down, also it was a huge bundle of knots so with every contraction the pressure of forcing her down was causing all her oxygen supply to be cut off. He also said that when they had tried to get her out, she was so wedged in that he had to do more damage than usual and I had also haemorrhaged badly and lost 1.5-2L blood and all in all very lucky she came out when she did and very lucky they had been able to stop the bleeding.

So after all the drama, we are very delighted to announce 
Lorelei 'Rori' Rogue Holmes
 was born on the 11th February at 11.52pm, weighing 6lb 5oz (2.86kg) and 49cm long!
She is such a delight and having a little girl has been such a novelty! I feel so lucky to have her and lucky to be here to enjoy her as much as I do.

The boys just adore her and kiss her so much she gets angry, I could not be happier with how she has been received into our little family, we couldn't ever imagine having not had her.

~ Lorelei ~

Sunday 24 November 2013

Sunday the Longest Day

Today is Sunday.
I really don't like Sundays.
I've been in a bit of a funk the last couple days and it being Sunday isn't helping.

Sundays used to be awesome. Sleeping in, eating late, doing nothing.
Sundays with kids suck.
Nothing is open on Sundays, not really that there is much, but the excitement of buying food or checking mail is at least there as an activity.
No playgroup, daycare or anything.
Kids always, ALWAYS messier, more argumentative and in your face.
They are currently alternating coming to the gate at the door whining and clawing to get in while I attempt to eat eggs on toast. 
It feels like everything is taking forever and today will never end.
I tried to look at Pinterest to find something to do with them, hopefully Christmas related, now just feel even more lazy and annoyed as I have no resources to do anything with and I live in the middle of nowhere and can't buy things unless I pre order weeks in advance. 
The cat just vomited. Awesome.
Hate Sundays.

My extra crappy mood stemming from crappy people I have encountered this week.
I know that in life you just meet/have to deal with toxic people.
These people often don't know they are offensive and awful, that's just who they are.
I also know that when someone is mean it usually isn't really about me.
Everyone has been hurt by something at some time, everyone has formed opinions from their life experience, when someone is mean, jealous or defensive it usually is an issue they are going through. 
Normally they try to one up you, make you look bad, make you feel bad, belittle you.
I usually can pity them and that will be enough to accept they are in their own jealous/hurt/guilt bubble and are taking it out on me and then let it go.
I think I just got to the point where after years of the same behaviour is exhausting.
When someone clearly has no respect for you and is just emotionally unstable all the time, it's like a mine field and you get sick of tiptoeing, taking the time and effort to find out where the explosives are and taking the safest route, even if it is longer and tires you out more in the process. 
Worse, if you accidentally detonate, you then spend a considerable amount of time, scrambling to put yourself back together, burying the hole and licking your wounds before tiptoeing away again to continue the tiresome journey minesweeping and avoiding.
No more.
I've just got so much going on, too many important things for my life to deal with without a nasty judgemental shadow lurking somewhere. 
I finally stood up for myself and just.... it feels good.
It is such a weight lifted. 
I am very happy and at peace with it.
You cannot even imagine.

 I think the funk is coming from that I didn't do it ages ago. 
I feel ashamed at myself for not trusting my instincts.
Definitely making me re evaluate myself and how much I let people take advantage of me and how much I put up with.
I don't and won't let any person or situation change my nature or core being as I quite like who I am.
I just have always walked away from a situation and felt better for it, whether or not the other person feels victorious I don't know, but I can now see this has left me open for further attack.
I know I am a good person on the inside.
I am in a good place with my life.
I feel very secure in my being.
This is definitely making it easier to see others clearer and make friends for being in a similar place I am.
So much less complicate!

Even writing this out in black and white has just solidified how at peace I feel now.
I know this is another life lesson and I think definitely some baggage I had to unload before we have our new baby.
I want to be the best role model I can for my kids and how I deal with people and how I let them deal with me, especially having a daughter soon, is going to be how they learn and grow into compassionate and strong adults.
I want them to know the best action to take, when to stand up for themselves or walk away from a bully, when to ask for help.

Everyone is going through something, fighting invisible battles in their life or in their person, everyone feels insecure sometimes.
Sometimes you can help them, sometimes you can only empathise with them and sometimes you can't do either and you can only walk away from them or risk taking their energy on board.

My house certainly feels lighter, I have white saged and cleansed the negativity, kids are happier as I am happier.
Just need it not to be Sunday anymore.
The sound of a thousand duplos being emptied can be heard.
There's bickering between brothers and egg on the couch.
There's still cat spew on the carpet.
I can smell poo.
On the plus, Mouse is due for a nap.

Thursday 21 November 2013

Sand, Snooze and General Mischief

Husband is very lucky to work 8 days on and 6 days off. We have a whole 6 uninterrupted blissful days to spend together as a family. Most weeks we don't do much and the week slips by, days of occasional food shopping, computer gaming and loving on each other.
We have just come to the end of a wonderful lazy yet busy week together.
Coming towards the completion of the year and the threat of Christmas looming has meant there is plenty to do and activities for the boys increase.

Visiting Dad at work and having lunch
We started our week with a trip to Karratha for a ultrasound on my kidney, pain and bladder issues have given a red light on possible hydronephrosis again, the reason why Mouse was kicked out a little ahead of schedule.
Looks like a positive on that, the severity and effects will be reason for ongoing monitoring and probably another early eviction date for this little girl.
I am in two minds about this, the pain and weeing every 5 minutes suck but I really love the idea of a set day and being organised to meet our newbie.
I am hoping we both stay well enough until then.
Other than that at 25 weeks I am huge in comparison to pregnant with Mouse. Baby is moving a lot, parties all night long and as much as it is a love/hate relationship I love my bump, it is big enough to fold clothes on, however I am expanding far faster than I would like. It is around 13 weeks until we meet your little face and it cannot go fast enough.

Hello baby!
Since we made the trip to Karratha we stayed overnight in Dampier, on a spur of the moment decision we made our way to Hearson's Cove for the boys to frolic about and collect shells, I enjoyed whaling about in the shallow warm water in my new spotty bathers, resembling a soggy toadstool :)
It was just beautiful and made my soul calm.

After a great few hours shopping and visiting the indoor playcentre - Big thumbs up from all big and little people, we drove home the following day, our week went on to consist of a lot of time with our crazy 2 and plenty of eating, napping and happiness.
It was my favourite type of week.


  • You are 4 years old
  • You still go on about your birthday party like you're having another one tomorrow
  • Ipad obsessed
  • Still Lightning McQueen overload, Octonauts have joined in also Mike the Knight and SpiderMan
  • So excited for your new sister and constantly ask me if the new bubby is in my bellybutton still, sometimes you stick your eye against it to try see her
  • You love picking clothes out for her, especially if they have butterflies
  • We are nearly toilet trained - hooray!
  • You have hit the *why* stage - its awful!! lol I have become the mum that says things like 'Because I said so!' After the 10th 'But why?'
  • Your favourite foods are chicken & chips, bacon, watermelon, salad, icecream - bubble O'bills, but you eat the nose - apple juice, nutella & noodles (nurdles)
  • You still pronounce helicopter as artitocktar
  • You have been a lot more cuddly and affectionate as of late
  • Your favourite person is Daddy 
  • Your vocabulary is exploding and I am surprised daily as what comes out
  • You are very protective of your brother
  • When Milo wakes up you always wish him good morning and ask if he had a nice sleep
  • You are becoming very polite and thoughtful quite often, I am a proud mama :)

  • You are 18 months old
  • You love music and will randomly dance which cracks me up
  • You are just the happiest boy
  • 2 days ago you said your first real word, it was apple :)
  • You also can somewhat say daddy, hi, ta-ta, kitty, teddy and birdy, you give everything else a crack and babble more and more everyday
  • When we get the wipes out, you go into auto lie down mode, where ever you are
  • If I tell you we're getting milk or an icecream, you will go to the kitchen gate 
  • You still don't like being that far away and will be devastated if I lock you out of anywhere
  • When you have done a poo you will stick your tongue out for yucky
  • When I tell you and your brother dinner is ready, you toddle off and sit at your table and wait to be served
  • Also Ipad obsessed
  • You know very well when you are somewhere doing something you shouldn't be doing 
  • You love climbing
  • You love cuddles and kisses, you go and cuddle your brother in bed in the morning
  • Your favourite foods are apple, biscuits, corn, watermelon, ice cream, chips and tinned spaghetti, also chocolate, you love chocolate!
  • You have started climbing out of your cot - eek!
Opening a letter, mmmm tasty
 Life has been good as of late.
Husband and I have been taking more time to enjoy the kids and being together as a family.
I have learnt from having Mouse that I worry less about everything, life is chilled out. Messes can be left, washing will get done, I will catch up on the house.

Smallest boy & a bump
 The boys are growing too fast and now they are playing together more, it has meant husband and I have had slightly more time (ever so slight) to just have a minute together and appreciate each other, at least until this new one arrives and then it will all be chaos again.
I take more opportunities to sit with the kids just because I can, cuddles can't wait and slowing down is good for all of us although in saying that I have never been busier and I love it. Getting into bed at night I am exhausted!

In the next few weeks we have plenty of Christmas preparation with parties for the kids and presents to buy, have done zero shopping so far.
Husband will have off for Christmas for the first time since we have been a family! I am excited and hoping for low key and lazy.
Life is quite wonderful for the moment.
I am very happy.

love <3

Sunday 10 November 2013

MIA & Exciting News

I know we have been missing for the last couple months but we have been a very busy little house because.....

And then this....

 Celebrated doing this...

Afterwards there was this...

And finally, there was this...

We have been totally flat out with planning for our NEW BABY GIRL, Mouse having surgery, Mushroom turning the big 4, Halloween... & Christmas is fast approaching.

The end of the year will be here before we know it and we have an equally as busy 2014 in our future. So much excitement =D

Looking forward to updating more again now things are settling for at least a couple months.

Wednesday 10 July 2013

Fond Hello

Apologies for an extended absence. 
It seems my small people have been keeping me very busy as of late. We are on a continuous sickness loop with all the lovely winter bugs and nasties going around and most of my days with the kids revolves around finding something for them to do to tire them out between sleeping.

Waking from a midday nap
Mouse is getting so big and headstrong. I am so happy the boys play more together, but this has also meant they are starting to fight together too which is exhausting to break up constantly. Mouse thinks he is bigger than he is and wants to play with Mushroom.
I am torn between wanting them to play well and understanding big boy wants his space and privacy sometimes too, especially when Mouse is slightly destructive. However I Mushroom also thinks Mouse is bigger than he is and lots of accidents and tears have been of late with a bit too much rough playing. Mouse recently self inflicted a nice gash above his eyebrow by testing his running and not stopping skills into a table, he'll have a tough guy scar.

Mouse. Battle scar in 2nd frame, incy wincying in 3rd.
 My baby has started to sleep through the night, which I am very excited about.
It's been a few weeks now and I have become used to the 12 or nearly 12 hours he sleeps every night. I am a happier lady if he decides to wake up past 7am.
This means he has dropped his midnight feed and I feel we are on the way to weaning which I have mixed feelings about. I love he is still my baby and we still have that special time, even if it is only for short 'snack' feeds in the early morning and right before bed.

Hiding from the sun under Summer Beach
My big one will start Kindy next year, he will be 4 in September, he is constantly going on about his party and birthday presents already, will be a long 2 months.
I am really excited for him to go to school, will give me a little more time to myself and Mouse will be taking on his 2 days at daycare.

 A few things have happened over the last month. 
I turned 25, which was much of a non event but ended up being a lovely day of leisurely lunch with friends.

My Love
Our little town hosted the annual Gala weekend, this includes a ball and a family fun day. This mean t husband and I got to be a little bit fancy and have a night off together, the theme was Casino Royale and we had a lot of fun :)

The next day was the family fair and I enjoyed even more than the ball, was lovely to introduce my kids to things such as fairy floss and bumper car rides. Was typically heinously expensive but we had a great time having icecream for breakfast.

Fun at the fair
 Husband has left yesterday for a work course in Perth for 5 days, this had immediately meant the kids are just all kinds of awful for me today... and also waking last night. I am exhausted and can't give them away. 
Since he will go to work again for 8 days as soon as he returns I will get no break.
Daddy & Mushroom
 I am not so happy about the next coming months. 
Husband has decided to do another two Army course. That's 2x 16 days again. I am already having anxiety over it.
 It gets so lonely here on my own and knowing every night  you have to wake up again to the kids and entertain and feed them all day with no one else to talk to  and then go to bed and wake up and do it all again for 16 days. 
I just get no time to breath. I hate the Army at this point.
Either Husband will hopefully be less fanatical soon or I will have to tell him I just can't take any more and he will have to stop entirely.
 So much over it.

Flooding on the road to Karratha. First star at night on the top of a Pilbara sunset.
 I cannot believe it is only just past 10am, today is going to slowly. I did a full house clean yesterday, vacummed, mopped & scrubbed some walls. 
There are already crumbs, fruit loaf and icing smeared on every surface.

A rare quiet truce with watermelon and mouths full.
Today is one of those days I just get so mad for all the effort I put in for seemingly no reason that goes completely unnoticed and unappreciated :(
I had thought about taking the kids to the park this morning, but the amount of shouting at me the 3 year old has done and the screaming coming from his brother I just can't be bothered. Maybe in the afternoon... only 2 hours til naptime (for 1 of them at least) and counting....

Happy Days

Tuesday 2 July 2013

We're Still Here...

We're still around... What have we been doing..? Lots!

Updates soon. In the meantime...

This is one cool dude :) 

Friday 7 June 2013

One Step Forward, Two Steps Backwards

Heard from Husband yesterday, had a surprise call on the home phone. I haven't had a mobile in a week or so, it is fixed now, yay! However I realised how disgustingly reliant I am on it in my everyday life. {insert streaming shows on PC, while Facebook messaging off iPhone as too lazy to minimise screen story}
It was quite liberating to not have one, although I did miss having the opportunity to mamarazzi my kids. I do take an awful lot of photos and thank technology for the option to save so many memories. 

Like this - Our car in a turtle-neck
Anyway. With husband doing a bush trek this week has meant we haven't had any contact, usually he is able to call or text at some point.
Aside from him breezing through for work and to visit with the Army, hes been gone 5 weeks in total. He is coming home on Sunday.
I am glad we're at the end and I don't really know how I accomplished the last few weeks on my own.

I know I can manage the kids, they are fed, clothed and alive, however I don't think I have caught a break on the sickness thing, as the last week and a half we have yet again succumbed to an onslaught of germs with a wicked cold all around.
Mouse has copped the worst with a croupy cough and a double ear infection currently.

I am feeling pretty run down. 
Last week especially I had a few fragile days where I was just over it so much.
I nearly had a meltdown in a public place, which I am glad I didn't, awkward for all involved, but I did take a step back and just look after myself for a day. I think the no phone situation didn't help, I don't think I could have felt any more isolated.

I think the great, or not so great thing about children is their brutal honesty, even when it isn't directly aimed at you.
Last night I caught Mushroom playing in his room after he was supposed to be asleep, I had a bit of a listen, he was role playing with some cars. There was a Mum car, a baby brother car and a 'Me' car.
There was no Daddy car. 
The Mum car was an angry car and I realised how much Mushroom is picking up, as it was saying things that I know I say/shout and do often, especially of late.
I felt immediate guilt as my 3 year old had just laid me out in his eyes, unaware that I was listening in and it sucked.
I grew up in a family of raised voices and arguing, I loathe it, really stresses me out. I have always taken a lot of pride in that Husband and I don't argue, however it seems all the shouting is coming from me anyway.
I know my patience is awful at the moment. I just don't have any. I still think I do ok as a parent, getting through everyday on my own with the boys. It has been so stressful and lonely on my own.

I hate having been put in this position for the way its has changed who I am as a person and parent so plain for my kids to see.
I think how I see myself on the whole isn't accurate and I need to see myself through my children's eyes, even if it isn't very uplifting, in an effort to better myself and be more or the parent I envisage myself as.
I don't like that there wasn't a Dad car there either.
Of course I realise that Husband being away affects the kids, however it never dawned on me how much I have become the solitary parent.
I think it's something we need to work on.
It was all a bit depressing really.

I really want to make this something positive.
I think it is an awesome opportunity to re evaluate and grow.
I know life is just insane with small people, I know I often forget who I am and lose focus on the bigger picture. This is is pretty easy when there's sibling fighting, dropped cups of juice and toilet training going on.
I want my kids to grow up happy and well enough adjusted, with happy and well enough adjusted parents.
I realise a few bad weeks isn't going to shape them drastically and I am allowed to drop the ball (or juice) occasionally and still be a pretty super Mama but I am glad it was brought to my attention while I can nip it in the bud.
I am going to make a concious effort to check in my anger, which may be misdirected at the crappy situation, rather than have my kids see it all. I also want to let the kids feel angry about it too, maybe talk about it more with them. Rather than just feel they should accept Husband going away so much.

I get up in the morning and just think about how great it will be when they are in bed again. I know they are full on and I know I am beyond exhausted but I want to be able to enjoy them and be excited about life. I don't want to just be a good enough parent, I want to be a phenomenal person that my kids will emanate.
I wouldn't mind feeling supported by my husband a bit more, which can't happen when he isn't around.
I know I am only human and will never be a perfect parent, as I really don't think that they exist, you're going to screw up in one way or another, even if that way is being too perfect.
I am also quite candid about my shortfalls as a person and as a parent, when I know I am have them, I really appreciate the wake up call every once in a while.
I enjoy the process of reflecting on myself, even if not all entirely pleasant.
It leads towards something positive.
You have to tear down to rebuild.
It is just crazy how much a little over a month can take out of you.
I am really looking forward to some R&R.
We are nearly at the end :)

Looking forward to some of this myself...