Friday, 29 March 2013

Busy People, Happy Days

We've had a busy few days down south, the drive down is enough to make the kids insane without adding a new environment and way more stimulation and excitement than normal.
I have spent the better part of the last few days shopping, I don't think I have bought anything for me yet, but the kids are well dressed and fed. It's nice to just window shop also, an opportunity I don't have very often these days.
We have been bouncing between getting settled in the most non child friendly house in the world and new places to explore. This has meant the kids are so far out of routine that I have just given up. Cupcakes for breakfast? Sure! Cold soggy chips for lunch? Ok! Chocolate for dinner? Right on!!
I know I am not doing myself any favours but we've been missing the usual things like mealtimes and naps and it's getting us through.
Husband has gone back up north and is at work, he'll come back later. I think I am doing fairly well on my own, nothing too catastrophic has occurred. We had a flat tyre today, well I thought it was flat, it was shredded. Although locking nut is 1600km away, being that tomorrow is Good Friday, not going to be able do much until Saturday.
I haven't even made plans to catch up with people yet. Feel slack and stressed. We are looking forward to a festival and a certain Bunny visiting :)
Happy Easter to all, however you celebrate.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

We're all Going on an Easter Holiday...

Posts will be few and far as we are down in the southwest and I only have my phone app to update, which isn't too great! We had a full on 20 hour day of driving on Saturday and are now shopping and eating a lot of ice cream it seems.
Small boys are happy and it is chilly here compared to what we are used to, which is a lovely change. Looking forward to new and exciting adventures while we are in civilisation with my two, Mouse's 1st Easter and of course turning the big 1 on the 10th April, fun times to be had :)

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Wednesday Moments


Playgroup and cars fun
Buzz Lightyear dressups
Tasting a pluot
Chocolate crackle goodness
Not feeling crafty (On P's behalf)
Playdate with a little friends
Coffee and chats for me with a friend
Crumbled coconut lime cookie mess
 Lots more cars
Toot toot train
Cleaning toys
Homemade spaghetti bolognaise
Cranky baby
Naps for both boys
Cuddles with Husband
A broken lamp
Large bill paid
Small clothes packed away
Bigger clothes unpacked 
Washing done
A speckled egg collected
P visiting neighbours
Bath with smallest one
Shower for the big boy
Extra Mouse & Mummy time
Too many kisses
Very Hungry Caterpillar storybook
Hoot pyjamas
Bedtime resistance (is futile)

What will tomorrow bring? :)

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Another Ditch in the Road...You Keep Moving

I wrote a post yesterday about my big boy and how proud I am of the progress we have made with his speech problems and the other things related to it. I will post it eventually as it is something to be celebrated but I was reminded today that other people will still try and drag you down.
I was bullied all through primary school and most of high school. I never quite fit in right, I was the overweight child with frizzy hair who read books and was quite reserved. As I transitioned to high school I was met with a new group of people who picked on me. Some were just mean and others were friends who made fun at my expense, which hurt equally as much. I grew to be shy and unsure of myself, relying on other peoples opinions to judge who I was and learnt my place, that I just didn't matter so much. 
I managed to have a small group of friends and I slipped through most of my high school years in there. When boys started to come in the mix things became unravelled as they often do. My social life went down hill and I saw myself spiralling into depression caused by the very people who had been my closest. After social suicide, lunches alone and jokes behind my back, I never returned to finish high school at that establishment. I think it was one of the better decisions I made.

The Untamed Frizz Remains...
 Even though it was 'just' high school, it has moulded my expectations of friendships and people since then. I have always been cautious with meeting new people and making new friends, it is not my forte. I find myself being guarded and awkward and people often take me the wrong way, I am always expecting to be bullied again as it has followed me all my life, through friendships and relationships. I often haven't realised how down trodden I have been until after the situation has passed and I can look back.

The last week has been a difficult one for me.
I have been dealing with a lot of situations that I have found stressful and I have noticed myself feeling a bit more fragile than usual. I have also been sick with that damn migraine and I am feeling pretty wrecked.

Because I am so remote, I often feel isolated from those who can support me. I moved here when my first born was 2 weeks old, at the time I didn't realise how much in over my head I was, but I am rather proud of how I raised a baby with hardly any knowledge, resources or a network of support at all. *pats on back* 
I have learnt my mummy instinct is a very powerful thing to be relied on and not ignored.
 My husband is wonderful when I need him but I try to make a habit of not needing anyone until I can't cope, which isn't ideal.
Being such a transient town, the friends I have made have left and there are always new people arriving but having that close bond with someone is hard to form, I know we won't be here forever either.
Luckily there are plenty of activities we can be involved in mingling with other parents and kids and we do our best.

Parenting these days seems to be an open forum for anyone to comment on. 
I have always been of the view that you parent and raise your children in the best way you know how to do, I firmly believe that if a mother feels what she is doing is in the absolute best interests of her child then who am I to judge?
I try to be supportive of choices that others make and sympathetic of opinions I don't understand. I really value healthy debate and try to use facts to back up opinions I have formed and feel strongly towards, to educate others on my choices. Having a child that has had special needs has given me the grace to realise until I have walked in someone else's shoes I am not one to point fingers. I am also not one to retaliate harshly when some attacks my personal beliefs, I have come to the fact that these are still my own, long after the angry person has gone.

I felt bullied today and I was shocked that this could happen as it came from a person I thought was compassionate. I have been very open and honest with a few close knit groups of ladies/mums about how I wish to raise my kids and the things I have learnt that work from my experiences raising my two, in an effort to help anyone going through similar. Also to have a place to land when things are falling apart.
 I have always enjoyed the diversity of parenting ideas. It has been a lifeline when we're having a bad day and lately there's been more of those than ever and rather than advice, people to lean on and offer a virtual shoulder have been required.
I have never felt the need to make excuses about the decisions I have made about how to raise our kids but over the last few days some of the input I put forward had been used to make me feel bad about myself. I kind of swept it to the side as I have often found plenty of remarks are given by those not qualified to make them, especially when it's an emotionally raw topic. It doesn't mean you are on someone else's journey when they only stop to ask for directions, you should be pleased they saw you as a friendly face and impart any knowledge you have, not take a blind guess at where they should be going and demand they take that route.
So the final straw came today when rather than empathy I was made to feel insignificant and really alone in my problems, when I had poured my heart and frustrations out to friends. I don't think anyone has the right to pass judgement on anothers life and situation completely foreign to anything they have gone through.
I felt such a mix of emotions, shock, sadness and confusion initially, closely followed by anger and disgust at an absolute lack of respect, finally ending the day out with acceptance that my son and I would not only be judged by strangers but by friends and closing with pity for those that would pass judgement onto me.
I think I have coped quite well with the cards I have been dealt and am ultimately happy.
I don't want this to make me revert to being cautious and protected again but I am feeling delicate and walls have definitely gone up. I would like to say I feel like a stronger person and I am sure I will, but I just feel emotionally drained tonight.
A photo I took last week - A reminder to find your ray of sunshine in the storm clouds :)
I see mothers getting bullied for their choices and circumstances all the time and it makes me sad. Too often I have had friends who have felt conflicted by decisions they had made that others felt the need to comment negatively towards. Not only first time mothers, as I have now found out. I don't understand why the simple desire to raise children in the best way each believes cannot be enough to provide a network of mutual support and understanding but we must attack each others feelings and preferences in a bid to be right or superior.

After all of this monologue, I just urge anyone reading to just do something nice for a fellow parent who might be struggling or just because you are grateful you have the support of a friend. Everyone at some time has more going on than you see on the surface.

In an effort to bring happiness back, tonight Mouse made a mess of an orange and P played with his special train, he's very proud :) Also dinosaur kisses, RAAAAAHHH!
Here's to sunnier days and plenty more orange messy dino smooches!

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Where do Your Eggs Come From?

I adore these two ladies and the gifts they give us.
They are the happiest of creatures.
I love that my boys know that eggs don't come from a carton.
We have the best tasting eggs, these girls are well fed!
I am thinking of adding another couple chooks to our brood when we have sorted their accommodation, they are very free range, they keep escaping!
I am hoping to incubate our own to hatch, watch this space :)

How lucky are we?

Friday, 15 March 2013

Illness is Not an Option

There aren't many times I can say I don't like being a parent. Sleepless nights I can handle, tantrums I can put up with, sick kids are manageable, god forbid even man flu, although exasperating is something I can tolerate. Then there is when I am sick. It's like an atomic bomb has been dropped on my family. I know I won't be able to do anything productive, I know the kids will be feral. I totally see being sick as a punishment as no one is going to look after me and house will be obliterated.

I have had the pleasure of spending the last 2 days attached to a drip in the medical centre. I say pleasure as it is a little, to be away from the crazy. I have suffered migraines since the age of 12. I would never wish a migraine on my worst enemy, not the ones I get. The best way I can describe them to someone who hasn't had one, is it's like have a red hot poker driven through your eye repetitively over the course of a few days, which reverberates all over your head and down your neck, while simultaneously worshipping your toilet like you had best night with a bottle of tequila, only I did not *sad face* I also develop photophobia and of course sensitivity to sounds. My children are quite loud, I don't realise actually how loud they are until I develop I migraine and then I curse their every screech and happy cackle. Lately I have been getting these weekly, they are life destroying, not fun.

I was lucky enough to have my husband home this time, which makes it that little bit tolerable. Last night he was left with both boys, and today left with Mouse, my smallest. Apparently they do not mingle.
My husband is fantastic with P, my big boy. Those two are peas in a pod, crazy, loud and both get over excited. Mouse is more my personality twin, quiet, maybe a bit needy and adores affection of the less rough and violent kind. When I finally left the medical centre this afternoon I opened the door of the car to an icy atmosphere and not just from the aircon being cranked full ball. From one morning with a not yet 1 year old, husband has decided we are not having any more children in case they turn out like Mouse. I do have to laugh, apparently the small boy wanted mum all morning, refused sleep and was super needy. He was practically flung at me as I entered the car. I do love that my kids are so different and when the other half experiences a little of my life.

After Husband's busy morning crawling around with a nearly toddler and I was throwing up into a bag, not to mention being on heavy drugs the last 2 days, he wins out and is the one napping, he's exhausted! (haha) I have collected the 3 year old from daycare and done the washing, life resumes as usual, house completely annihilated, but of course. Being hooked up to a drip and poked and prodded for 2 days is almost like a mini break, had a cocktail of drugs, life was grand.

Counting down until actual holiday, well kind of, heading down to Perth the following weekend, I am just so thrilled for the 16hour drive to unfold before us, our children turn into screeching insatiable banshees who just wee all the time, yuck yuck.

Have an awesome weekend all!

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Just a Mum

I have agonised over my first blog post for a while, not as long as I dwelled over a name or for as long as I have considered starting a blog, but a while. I wanted something that introduced who I am and my motives for putting my words into the cyber world, I think I have put too much pressure on the initial post, so I am now just typing and hoping my personality will extend over the course of the blog, not one entry.

Creating a blog has been on my agenda. I have seen other friends with blogs, there are a few strangers I follow, I really enjoy their goings on and things they do. They make me feel inspired, I have laughed with them in happiness and cried with them when situations in life haven't gone to plan. I have seen crafts and wanted to create them with my kids or in turn have ideas and projects others may like to recreate. I wanted to have a space for myself for my words to unravel and to look back on the life we are making.

I didn't want another Mummy blog. I really worked hard on how to incorporate parts of myself aside from being a parent into this, then I thought about why I felt that way and it reminded me of recent conversation. When I was asked as to what I did for a career, my standard response has been "Just a Mum". When asked this again a little while ago, the person responded with "You're not just a Mum, you're A Mum". I realised I was embarrassed of being 'just' a Mum, it sounded so simple, it defined who I am and no one had ever questioned this or asked more about what I do or who I am past that. Even my husband has joked about when I can go back to work.
While trying to find that niche I belonged in over the last few years, I realised nothing has fit as well as motherhood, it is my passion. Since this encounter I have made a real effort to see myself as more than a mother, as my own unique being apart from my kids but appreciate the things that celebrate having my children as a defining point in my life also. I know that through the journey of living, my interests and persona will change and I am wanting to embrace this place I am lingering at now. I am proud of where I stand.

My name is Alisa. A 24 year old mother to two small boys, a 3 year old and a nearly 1 year old, I am a wife to my husband of 2 years. All three of these people I adore however they challenge me on a daily basis. I love it. We reside in a remote mining town in Western Australia, the initial decision of living so far away terrified me, three and a half years later and I feel we have become part of this place. It has changed me beyond what I thought it would. I don't think I quite know who I am entirely, but I go through phases of things I love and want to do. I am making an effort to enjoy the moment more as I feel that will be my biggest regret if I rush through life to get to the end of something without taking it all in. I try to take lots of photos. As a rule, I do things that make me happy.
The greatest happiness I have is being with my small family. My oldest is energetic and bold. He is loud, wild and impulsive. He encompasses everything a little boy should be multiplied by ten and then lavishly sprinkled with mud and a toy car perched on top. My smallest is quiet and contemplative. He is yet to come into his own but is slowly finding his place in the world. Delicate and peaceful but learning to withstand the storm surge his brother brings with a gentle balance. My husband is my rock and my home. The place I can return to when the world is too much but lets me fly free to do I as please. He is kind and good. He makes me laugh and loves our children, which makes me love him even more. I am grateful to have someone by my side such as this, we don't always agree but trust each other, I need someone to provoke different opinions and debate.

Our house is often chaotic. I hope to be honest in that. There are days where I feel exasperated and tired, where I want to time out. I try to start each day as a new one. I must admit though, that I never go to bed feeling defeated, merely challenged to do better or do differently. I never thought parenting would be easy and in that I haven't set myself up to fail. I have a very much 'whats next?' attitude. I try to laugh and find the humour in most things. I enjoy having two children much more than having one, I didn't find the transition altogether easy, but relatively seamless. I never really plan anything, it's a flaw in myself I find works well in having small people.
I hope anyone who reads to have a window into our little corner of the world but have ultimately decided to document out lives in a way that I can keep adding to and looking back on. I hope to be regular enough in updating, I am using this to work on my fantastic ability to procrastinate. I feel excited to have started this, new beginnings are always wonderful :)