Friday, 31 May 2013

When Life Gets in the Way

Updates have been far and few at the moment.
I think I can say without doubt that I am shattered.
I also don't think we have done too much worth posting about.

Pilbara sunset from my back door
 This is husbands fourth week away from us. Okay. To be fair, he did come home for 4 days, of which he worked, so it really didn't feel like we saw him at all.
He's now gone off again playing Army in the bush for another week and a bit. 
This is sucking more this time as previously he had been able to call us and stay in contact. This time they are bush trekking and we haven't heard from him much.
I am just exhausted as I would love a break to just do something for me without the small people, even just wee on my own.

Glad at least someone is able to get some sleep
Today the Army did have a stop in our little town to engage in the community and mingle with the civilians. They did activities with the kids at the school.
Husband wanted to see me, so asked to shower at home. They told him he had to take his patrol with him.
6 men showered in our house this morning. Utter chaos and flurry of towels and shaving equipment over 45 minutes.
I then was tasked with getting the contraband items. Cigarettes, hot chips, iced coffees etc.
Army wife.

Army vehicle excitement
I have been otherwise busy with the boys just doing the everyday things.
I have been trying to do more interesting bits and pieces with them, we have been going to the park and having playdates a lot more than usual when we haven't been unwell.
We have all been sick for the better part of the month, one thing after another.

Rainbow cakes
Mouse has been getting more and more challenging since he is walking full time.
He seems to be a lot more 'into stuff' than Mushroom ever was. 
If I don't close it, if I don't want him in there, he'll be doing something he is not supposed to do.
It is wiping me out as he gets so angry at me and he also wants to be near me so much, I try and wear him as much as I can. I think he is still working out his independence and how much he needs me at the moment.
I think he is a very wise old soul.

This month also marked the 2nd year since our miscarriage.
I go through periods where I am ok about it. 
Then other times I over think it and I get sad again. 
Some days I still cry.
I think the biggest impact losing a baby had on me was losing hopes and dreams for someone we hadn't yet met but loved dearly. 
I have also been able to talk to others who have had a loss and it seems to bring some kind of healing, talking to someone who can understand what it is to lose something so precious.
I am quite open about our miscarriage, I have found this has meant many more women have talked to me about their losses, people who hadn't talked about it before.
I am sad how many there have been that have opened up. 
I am sad that it's not something women feel they can talk about.
Not much was known about why we lost our much wanted child. Recently more information has been brought to light based on my health. I have Hashimotos disease, which is an autoimmune condition involving my thyroid. It's not a great mix for pregnancy.
I would like to have another baby and I hate that the miscarriage has taken away that innocence from pregnancy.
I don't think I have been more terrified of anything.
The end result is more than worth taking the risk, however I know my risks are higher and I don't want to lose another little piece of my heart.
I often wonder what our extra tiny person would have been like.
I hate that I don't know their gender.
I hate that I don't have any ultrasound photos.
I am glad that this month is over and tomorrow is June.

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in
my heart) I am never without it (anywhere
  I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
  I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

  I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart) 

~E.E Cummings~
Written on Christian's beach for our tiny tiny person

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Featured on Offbeat Families :)


Mouse's birthday party has been featured on my favourite blog, Offbeat Families.

Check it out here!

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Just Sayin' We're Sick...

We've been a bit quiet as for the last week and a half, we have been in a quarantine zone.
I'll spare you the details but both boys and I, and now husband who returned from playing Army - Welcome!- have been rather unwell. 
I thought 5 was enough moozli blankets for Mouse. I cannot wash them fast enough, I admit defeat.

I hope we will be on our feet again soon. Tonight, or mostly likely tomorrow have some exciting news coming up and will post about it :)

Send us get better vibes.

Sunday, 12 May 2013

Happy Mummies Day!

Firstly, Happy Mother's Day!
This goes out to all the seasoned Mamas
New Mamas or Mamas to be
The Daddies who are Mamas
Those Mamas who carry a child in their heart
Those who wish they were Mamas
Those who are yet to become Mamas
Those whose Mamas aren't here to be loved on this year

Hope you had a day well spent however made your heart happy.
A little bit on that in a minute.


As I mentioned last post, something I have been waiting for, for a very long time, 9 months to be exact, landed in my mailbox this week.
Introducing the beautiful Girasol Summer Beach in the fuschia weft.
I also thought I would give fringe a go.

Shown here carrying Mouse in a kangaroo carry, top right and a front wrap cross carry bottom left

Such a beautiful wrap. My favourite colours are blue and yellow, so this was a must have for me. It has reaffirmed my love for the wrap as a baby carrier and I am enjoying very much. 
I have spied another wrap which I missed a pre order on called Meeru and I am hoping to secure one of those for my stash one day, running much along the same colour combination.
I didn't initially order Summer Beach as a pre order and I am glad I didn't, I found out a term called weft regret and I almost had it. Summer Beach comes in four wefts, fuchsia, yellow, purple and black. I have never much been into the dark wefts but loved the idea of a bright yellow. When I saw the action shots I much preferred the sneaky pink of the fuchsia. I am a happy lady :)

Our day of wrap arrival was a bit exciting. Here it is in picture frames. 
We painted our nails, emo kid chose black, little punk rocker than he is. 
He also chose his clothes and dressed himself entirely (down to the shoes!) for the very first time! 
I was super proud, he was super proud. Great moment.
He also zoomed off to get my parcel and then proceeded to try open everyone's PO boxes.


We had a busy day the following day attending the markets which are held here.
 It is sometimes something I avoid as big boy is often overwhelmed but we had a pleasant time.
That is where I picked up this.
Isn't it simply darling?
A talented friend creates these mason jar terrariums.
Pure coincidence I stumbled upon it.
Mouse, mushroom, buntings.. It is like me in a bottle.
Makes me ultimate happy!

With Husband being gone I am trying to keep us busy.
I even managed to do my hair, small miracles and here it is in all its pre straightened glory.
I forgot how nice it is to just do something for myself, reminder to do more things like that, it definitely put me in a feel good place.

Following the markets boys had a nap and we had a 4th birthday party to attend in the afternoon. It was a great time, the weather is beginning to be just delightful. 
It is still warm enough for boys kids to have some water fun without freezing. Even if Mouse indulged in his jeans. 
I have been beyond impressed with Mushroom and his behaviour and manners of late. 
He tends to pick up a lot around him, as most 3 year olds do, bad habits are hard to break.
He is just such a beautiful boy and despite the odd bit of sibling rivalry with his brother he's been speaking up a lot more when running in with others and I am really happy.
 The party was a great success and he played so well.

Little nutbag

Chasing rainbows

 The kids decided to utilise all the space of Mother's Day they could manage by waking up a little past midnight. I think the last couple days of full on have been a bit too much. 
I was fairly zombie this morning, we headed down to the community centre again for Kindergym Mother's Day little fair. 
One amazing coffee and apple slice later and I was feeling human. 
Kids had a ball.
Bouncy castles, chaos and facepainting. 
My boy cracks me up, he is scared to death of Spiderman but insisted this is what he must have, he sat still for the duration, I was surprised and pleased.
I won the raffle, which was a huge hamper of chocolate - yummy. Mushroom could not believe that this was coming home with us.
I was presented with my card big boy created at day care and the 2 posters the boys made at playgroup the following week.
I think I mentioned I love tiny hand art? :)
We ended our day with a BBQ with friends at the park.
I am hoping this is enough to exhaust my two and they sleep through the night?
I feel like the goal I set for myself in my past post was smashed.
I had the best day with my kids I really just enjoyed them.
My biggest happiness is to see delight on their small faces.
Even though it is my 2nd as a Mama to my two boys, it was the 1st I really appreciated this fact, watching them play together.
Best Mother's Day present ever!

Fragments of our day
 I was having a few sad thoughts as this month marks the 2nd year since we lost a baby.
I feel I am a Mama to 3 little people, I don't think a day goes by I don't wonder about what kind of person they would have been but it sure does make me appreciate my babies Earthside all the more.
I don't really think losing a baby ever gets any easier, I definitely don't think having Mouse has filled the void as I hoped it would to some extent, it just opened another little bank of love to deposit into and to surround with hopes and dreams for him which I am glad for. 
Now, I think our very very small person should be remembered for their own being, as much as it brings sadness, they brought a lot of joy for a short period of time.
 Overall, today has been a wonderful day.
I am glad Husband wasn't here a little as I loved the alone time with my kids being motherly.
I have been loving it all week.
I do miss him though.
Would have been nice to have a spare set of hands last night.
I am tired but very content.
I feel like a fat broody hen on her clutch of eggs.
Very proud of what good, kind people I have created, despite making me what to pull my hair out most days.
I don't think I could do boring anymore.
Happy Mother's Day<3
One proud Mama.

Sunday, 5 May 2013

Chickens in Toilets and Other Tales

I keep meaning to do updates but it has been pretty insane here the last couple weeks, I get into bed and think about things I should blog about. So here is what I can remember.

This year we attended the Anzac dawn service. This is the first one I have been to.
Husband being in the Army had to get all dressed up and look dashing.
 It was nice to see such a large crowd turn up to the service but it was hard to keep two over tired small boys happy at 5.30am. The breakfast that followed was tasty, but after getting up at 4am and to bed at 1am, I actually felt more shattered than I have felt even having a newborn, felt physically ill. 
Made everyone have a nap at 9am. Was not a great day, really long and tiring for all.

 Mouse's sleeping has improved again. Hooray! 
He is sometimes still waking for a feed and snuggle around midnight, but has had a couple sleep right throughs. 
I don't mind the cuddles, in fact I often miss him at night if he sleeps through.
Here he is in his brother's bed. He loves this bed.
He keeps snuggling into the pillow and trying to nap, this makes me sad.
My smallest boy is growing up a lot faster than I remember Mushroom doing.

Now, one of the *highlights* of my day is this.
Sometimes in my house it gets very quiet.
So quiet you might be mistaken for thinking that all is well, however this is a guise.
A guise to lull you into a false sense of security.
This means that if you try to go to say, the toilet or open a toy box you may find this.
Often leaping out at you like a live jack in the box.

Yes. That is a chicken in the toilet.
Her name is Kiev to be precise.
I have come to realise that the chicken is not a very clever bird. 
My 3 year old is a very clever small person.
You see a chicken is awake in the day and at night they sleep, like instantly.
The cupboards of my house, the toilet bowl and the toy boxes get very dark very quickly when the lid is closed.
This means it is now night time and the chicken is paralysed by the sudden need to sleep and is very still and very very quiet.
My 3 year old knows this.
Open the lid and 'Up jumps the scarecrow and this is what he says...'
Except its not a scarecrow and it's not dingling and dangling. 
It's a chicken, it's often wet, terrified, clawing and squawking.
This is of course, beyond hilarious to my 3 year old.
I am less impressed.
Chickens are stupid.

*New toy alert*
My first Girasol ring sling in Glacé.

Isn't she beautiful? I am in love.
I have also managed to score myself a Girasol Summer Beach - Eeeeee!
Will post photos when she arrives.

Driving home from Karratha on my own in the dark was not an experience I am keen to repeat. Silly me thought the boys would snooze.

Mouse screamed for 3 hours solid. I had to drive slow because of the safari that seems to open up across the highways of the Pilbara at night, which took longer.
We made it home in one piece and I had some new things :)

One of those things are these things.

Goldfish x4.
I am glad I took this photo, because as of this morning there are now only three.
An incident involving the cat falling into the tank I think scared the black one to death.
RIP little dude :(

Dinosaur - Just Cause.
 Today was not a good day.
Actually the last week has been pretty full on and I have been getting stressed out.
I don't want to go into all the bad things, but it has really been one thing after another.
 On the plus. Mouse is officially walking! Well. He can, but chooses to crawl still as it is faster.
He can also drink from a sippy cup on his own! He has worked out the up in the air thing and does it quite violently. Hes awfully proud.

Eating a sticky jam Tart - Never Again
 Because this morning started with a bowl of red staining jelly being taken from the fridge, mashed up and flung all over my house and freshly cleaned carpet, I just couldn't deal from there on in. Everything I did, I had 2 small people just doubling the mess behind me.
By the afternoon I decided we would go to the park for a picnic.
I am glad we did as it got us all out of the house and we did something together that was a positive thing. It was lovely down there. Mushroom loves to play and Mouse loves to eat.
Everyone was catered to.

I am really thinking positive thoughts as it is a long time until Husband is due back and the last two days have nearly had me throwing in the towel before I've even had a coffee.
My goal is to do something everyday that makes me feel like I have achieved something productive, other than doing Mummy things.
Today I organised a new shoe box, Mouse kept pulling all the shoes off rack and we swept the carport and tided general crap. 
Productive thing for the day - Tick. 
On that note, I will be off.
Happy cooler days ahead as we head into winter.

Who Needs the big man of the House When you Have Helpers Like This?

Saturday, 4 May 2013

Another Mother's Day Approaches

Yesterday I dropped husband off in Karratha to do an Army course.

I took the opportunity to do some shopping whilst I was there, this reminded me of the fact that Mother's Day is fast approaching. I know it's like everything these days, Christmas, Valentines, Easter. Way over commercialised and aimed at squeezing your money out of you. I've not paid too much attention in past years, probably because I don't live in civilisation as such but this year it's bothered me a bit.

I love my Mum and love to buy her something special or a nice card. Usually for Mother/Father's day I have sent something grandchild related, photo frame, hand print activity. I'll do a phone call or if we are around, it's a really great excuse to do lunch - Don't have to cook? Woo hoo! For Daddy's day, Husband gets art and craft from boys, or big boy has helped select something, usually something he likes, "Lighting DaQuee for Daddy? Buzz Woody? Art-i-tock" (Translantion - Lightning McQueen, Toy Story merchandise or a helicopter) The thought is there still. Scratch that, Husband would love those things also.
I have talked to a few Mum's this year even a forum discussion caught my attention. Mum's expecting their partners/husbands/significant others to buy gifts for them for Mother's Day and getting overly upset or angry if heaven forbid they didn't or worse, forgot! Talk of Thermomixes, iPads & jewellery were thrown about. Err what?
 I know my 3 year old would definitely pick the most colourful pasta necklace or if I'm really lucky a giant boogie.
I know Husband did legitimately forget once, I think it was the 1st one, I played sad at him for a bit, then I had a laugh. He has often forgotten important dates, even my birthday one year. I think he made a point of doing something extra special the following year, but it wasn't a gift it was a lovely outing.

It might sound cliché but I think that my kids should be doing something for me for Mother's Day if they want to, not lie any expectations on my husband. I certainly wouldn't ask for anything, I am actually quite grossed out at the amount of Mum's who are expecting to be showered in gifts and praise for releasing a child into the world by their significant others. Push presents fall in this category and are a whole other rant.
I don't feel bitter as we don't make a huge fuss here, I genuinely have little care.

I usually get pretty excited about lovely cards and hand print pictures brought home from daycare. I have had one on my fridge from Fuzzy Mushroom and a lovely painted champagne flute.
With Husband being away I really don't expect anything, I thought I might do a cruisey PJ day with the boys and head to the deli for ice cream in the afternoon. I had to remind him to do a card for his Mum. I am not his Mother, so I would actually feel pretty weird about him buying me gifts. I think at playgroup we might do Mother's Day crafts? If not I have some paint, we might get messy and do handprints. I am a sucker for itty bitty hand impression art.

I must admit, as much as I love my job as a Mama, it is so much hard work. I often forget to enjoy my kids. We had a toilet training incident this morning. I am still a little scarred and in that moment I did not think loving thoughts.
I am so busy working through our haphazard routine that I never really take that time to sit and enjoy. I think that will be my Mother's Day gift.

I want to just enjoy my kids, all day. Not just when they are quiet or asleep and I can reflect on that cute moment Mushroom gave Mouse an impromptu kiss on the head, in-between when I had to get him to let the howling cat out of the cupboard in his room and Mouse wrecking his racetrack and the shrieking that followed that I had to intervene in on.
So this will be my mission and my gift from my boys.
I will have a very happy Mother's Day with the 2 small people who made me as such :)